The graceful starship slipped gracefully among the graceful stars. On board Captain Jean Luc Picard navigated his way around cute kids and robots, all saying cute things. The saintly commander had taken his sleek and graceful craft back in time by 200 years. He had meant to go back about 400 years to kill the guy who wrote the second most annoying song in the universe, the Macarena. It has been said that the song alone brought down entire star systems. But through some contrived accident having to do with the holodeck and pampers (don't ask) they found themselves in an entirely different TV show.

The captain was sitting down at is perfectly clean desk, when his perfect and loyal second in command came in.

"Captain! We've detected some scary large black ships. They don't seem perfect".

"Are they Really Big and Scary? Or just big and scary?"

"Really Big sir".

"Oh darn. Very well. It is my duty as officer of the Star Fleet Whatever to see what this is all about".

On stepping out into the bridge, Picard saw a very Big and very Scary spacecraft looming up ahead.

"Number 1, or whatever your name is, what can you tell me about this?"

"Well sir, it seems to be black".

Just than the shadow vessel fired upon the Enterprise.

The crew leaned back and fourth in unison as an explosion of sophisticated and expensive special effects swirled around them  One crewman shouted "Shields down 98.6%"

Another chimed in "the warp core is about the breach and the pattern buffers have overflowed".

Still a third followed up, "Register couplings are down, and even though we've suffered severe damages on the lower decks no one has been fatally injured and those that have been injured will no doubt be healed through our miraculous technology in a matter of minutes ready to fight and be perfect again. Sir".

The captain stood up, straightened his perfect uniform and asked "What? no temporal distortions?"

At that very moment, John Sheridan stuck his head through the door and said "gee, I sure which Anna was here to see this".

The shadow ship fired again.

"Shields down 99.9%"

"Captain! The sewers are backing up!"

"Ensign, we don't have sewers! Don't you know that humanity has perfected itself so much that bathrooms are no longer needed!"

The ensign started to cry. "What are we going to do?"

"Let's try to reason with it ensign"

Just than the shadow ship sliced open the side of the Enterprise like an overripe melon. Hundreds of extras were sucked into the vast darkness of space. But no-one was killed.

"Now what captain"

"Well, if we were to magnify the coupler couplings and buffer the pattern buffers, re-route them through the holodeck's serial port, into an Easy Bake oven which I just happen to have right here, then modulate the warp drive field by using the register faring with these hand held refrigerator magnets at the precise frequency of 121.144 HZ. And if all this can be done in exactly the next 12 seconds we might be able to confuse the Scary Black ship enough to let us run like hell."

"My thoughts exactly" Counselor Troi responded, showing a great depth of knowledge outside her field.

Another sudden blast from the shadow ship finally turned the Enterprise into its constituent elements. As the fading embers of the grand starship vanished in the night, the crew found themselves floating in the vastness of space all wondering how they were going to get out of this pickle. At that precise moment there was a temporal rift in the space-time continuum followed by a sub-space tachyon burst. A stray teddy bear floated on by and its extra mass distorted the rift to where it was just big enough for the entire crew to slip on through into another show.

And no one was killed, except for an extra on Friends who was hit in the head by an Easy Bake Oven that mysteriously dropped from the sky.